The Importance of Being Optimistic

"If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want." --Oscar Wilde

I really like Oscar Wilde. The Importance of Being Earnest was my favorite play to read freshman year. I've seen a lot of his quotes other places and they always say the absolute truth in the most hilarious way it can be said. While this isn't his funniest quote (my personal favorite is "Everything popular is wrong"), it is one of the ones I can relate to the most.

Whenever I feel bad I always think of worse things that could've happened to me and that always makes me feel better . . . which is actually a rather pessimistic way to be optimistic now that I put it into words. But knowing that things aren't as bad as they could be is really comforting, mostly because I don't buy in to that "it's only downhill from here" thinking. I'm more of a "after you've hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up" kind of person.

That's sort of what I see in this quote. It might be bad now, but it could always be worse and there's comfort in the fact that it can only get better.

Aw, wasn't that insightful? Use that when I'm famous.

Believe

(Look at this place. This is heaven.)

Buckets, Metaphors, and You

Buckets. Fun things, buckets. Very easy to apply metaphors to, aren't they?

So what is the Bucket Metaphor of this week? That of Tim Rath's that basically says you have this metaphorical bucket that you want to fill with non-metaphorical good feelings so that the metaphorical dipper doesn't metaphorically empty your metaphorical bucket to leave non-metaphorical bad feelings.

Buckets. Metaphors. They just go hand-in-hand.

But how do you make this metaphor a reality? (I'm actually really proud of that segue. Just saying.)

1) Shine a light on what's right: Focus on a person's strengths instead of their weaknesses. Instead of highlighting what someone did wrong, praise what someone did right.

For example, if three different students each came home with different grades--an A, C, and F respectively--which student would warrant the most attention? In America especially, most would answer the F. But what this rule is saying is that maybe, just maybe, focusing on the A would be most beneficial.

I like this one. I lived this one. I'm really bad as science and math and things like that (I'm a writer, what do you want from me?) and so my grades in those subjects a while ago weren't as high as my mom would've liked. They weren't terrible, but I could've done better. My mom wasted no time letting me know that. Every. Single. Day. Eventually I got so tired of it, I just didn't want to even try in those classes anymore. Finally I just told her to stop nagging me about my bad grades (not in those exact words, but you get the idea). I came home and told her all the good test grades I got and you know what? My grades got better. Go figure.

2) Give unexpectedly: That pretty much says it all, right? Christmas and birthdays aren't the only days people like being given things, and when they come out of the blue that just makes those things infinitely better.

In the workplace, for example, giving someone more responsibility makes them feel good, especially when they don't expect it (although a day or two of warning might be nice, you don't want to stress them out).

This happens to me in newspaper a lot, actually. When my advisor asks me to do something, like type out the budget, I don't know why but it makes me feel good. I feel like, in his eyes, I am trustworthy enough to do something like that.

3) Reverse the Golden Rule: I don't remember Tim Rath's exact words, but basically this is saying that what fills your bucket won't necessarily fill someone else's.

Tim Rath brought up an example of a man who was given a plaque as an award for being the best employee every year by a woman who loved being given plaques. The man freaked out one year and absolutely refused to accept the plaque. The next year, after extensive research, the woman presented the man with a portrait of his two daughters as a reward for his hard work. And you know what? He liked it.

Well in my life . . .  I'm not sure this ever happened to me. Hm. I might like a plaque though.

There are five steps according to Tim Rath, but these three happened to be the ones I liked the most. I like being praised and being given things, especially things that pertain to me personally. But I tend to fill other people's buckets more than my own. I dip that one way too much.

This is Essential (Question)

Q: To what extent is the decline of reading among Americans?

A: Let me get back to you.

I was having issues coming up with a question. I came up with a few and did some bare minimum research for them, just to see which one would be easiest to find stuff for. And you know what? They were all freaking hard. Apparently no one cares about books (excuse me while I go sit in the corner and cry for a while).

I was really attached to this question, though, because I can't believe that there are people that don't read. Like, at all. I grew up in a family of book lovers and my whole life now basically revolves around books and words and things like that. So I endured and endured and found articles that related to this. As a result, I would just like to say this: HA! Take that! (Although, I don't really know who/what that's directed to. Let's go with the world.)

I had no other motivation for choosing this question other than pure curiosity. I'm not a major math person, but these are the kinds of numbers I want to know about. How many people don't read? What's it like compared to previous years? Don't comic books count? The list goes on.

Really, though, I don't find essays to be all that fun. Even ones where I can pick my own topic. I find it really hard to come up with an argument and find actual proof that shows why I'm right. Honestly, as a teenager, my best argument is "Just 'cause, man." Essays are just really hard and I don't see them getting any easier any time soon. But, as they say, practice makes perfect. And, as I say, my writerly pride is on the line. (Now that I think about it, I actually do say that quite a bit.)

A Plot Twist to the Utmost Extreme

Plot twist: an occurrence in a story that you don't see coming; something that completely blindsides you because it wasn't what you were expecting; something that makes you sit there for twenty minutes and go "WHAT."

I started the day out wearing new pants, uncomfortable shoes, and my mom's shirt and I walked away with $100. If that's not a plot twist then I don't know what is.

I didn't have many expectations walking into the Junior Achievement Social Innovation Camp. Honestly, I was just really excited about the free food (and let me just say, the food did not disappoint). Really, if you think about it, the camp just combines like fifty of my least favorite things: social interaction, social interaction with people I don't know, waking up too early in the morning, thinking too early in the morning. Talking. The list goes on.

Plot Twist #2: I actually enjoyed it.

I know. Just let that sink in for a second.

Well, enjoy might not be the most accurate word but at least it wasn't the complete torture I thought it was going to be, you know? (I'm kidding, ha ha . . . ) I did find the experience to be educational and I feel like I benefitted a lot from it. You know, in more than just a monetary sense (although money is never a bad thing).

I learned that, hey, I can sit in an office for more than a few hours and talk to people I don't know, give my opinion and input, and work. I also learned that I don't think I'm exactly cut out for doing that nine to five, five days a week. It was surprisingly satisfying to come up with an idea and make it work but I felt claustrophobic stuck in that conference room after one hour. Eight hours a day? I'm not sure I'd survive. At least I now know that I wouldn't totally fail at the whole business thing. Another door just opened up and that is completely reassuring.

I think my favorite part (other than the food) might've been sitting in that office with my team members, looking at each other while we were completely lost on what to do and how to do it, and wondering (hoping) if all the other teams were having the same problems we were. I don't know why. Don't ask. I just had fun with that thought.

Which leads me to my next favorite part: watching all the other presentations. It was amazing to see what everyone else came up with and wondering how they came up with the idea and how agonizing the process was to make it presentable. I enjoyed them a lot more after my group went.

And here is as good a place as any to mention that I don't think I am built for public speaking. The fifteen minutes before my group was up, I couldn't even enjoy being done with the thinking part because my knees and my elbows were shaking so much. And don't even get me started on breathing! I think I almost passed out. It was such a relief getting it over with. I didn't care about the money at that point. I just didn't want to have to go through that whole thing again.

Plot Twist #3: Because, of course, I had to go through it again. (sigh)

Which brings us back to Plot Twist #1, in which my group actually won third place with the Wheel-A-Thon, a walk-a-thon with wheelchairs. Really, I'm still having a hard time believing that one.

Oh! It was also really cool that almost all of the teams in the top 6 that had to present again had a Cal kid. I was so proud. (Plot Twist #3.5: Erica gets school spirit.)

It was just one surprise after another at the camp but it did lead to one thing that someone (I won't mention who but she happens to be a certain iQuest teacher) said would happen: I am glad I went.

(Did I mention the food?)

Debby Downer Reads a Book and Gets Depressed

"This book is just you and me, in writing therapy together, so we can talk about what it means to be a writer and why the writing life is worth living."

That's it. That's the book.

This is Not a Writing Manual: Notes for the Young Writer in the Real World by Kerri Majors is a series of essays not about writing but living with the aspiration of becoming a writer. Using her own experiences, Majors gives candid advice about how to live and to expect to live in the future as a young, aspiring writer. 

Hey, wait, doesn't that related to my iQuest project? So, as a young, aspiring writer, I decided to take a chance and read this book.

I'll be completely honest: I hate reading about writing. You'd be surprised how many books and websites there are that are basically training manuals to be a "better" writer. I tend to avoid things like that. They just make me second-guess myself. Am I a bad writer? Am I doing this wrong? I don't do that, should I do that? Wait, I do this, should I not? Yaddah yaddah, blah blah blah, on and on, and then in the end they say "But if it doesn't work for you, you don't have to do it." Then why tell me to do it in the first place?!

Really, these kinds of things just end up making me depressed and self-conscious.

This book was really no different. But in a different way.

As a teenager, Kerri Majors participated in writing competitions and she shared her writing with anyone with time on their hands. In college she majored in art history instead of creative writing. She made writer friends. She did a whole bunch of stuff I don't do and have no real plan of doing and it just makes me think that maybe I should. But I really don't want to. And if I don't want to, what does that mean? It doesn't mean anything really, but still, what could it mean?

And that was just halfway through the book.

After that, she talks about being an adult who still hasn't landed her first book deal (The Big One, as she calls it). She talked about how there were publishers who looked at her writing, editors who asked her to make changes to her writing, about getting her hopes up over this, and then getting rejected. What a downer. She talked about being jealous over friends who got published, about getting frustrated at never making it, about not being sure if she ever would, about not doing things that would "kill your creativity." Lots of really disheartening stuff.

But wait, there's a plus side? This book was really, REALLY helpful because, at the end, there's an appendix of jobs! A list of what she refers to as "real jobs," she catalogues more than a few jobs that relate to using words in a "creative way" and gives a slightly-less-than-detailed-more-than-brief description about it. There were jobs like journalist, editor, copywriter, lawyer, entrepreneur, and whole bunch others. Just, after being completely depressed and unsure, it was really nice to read about all these other more stable jobs that would still let me indulge in my passion for writing and even give me time to work on my own stuff. Best part.

All in all, it was a good book and a decent read and, for someone a tad more optimistic than me, this would've actually been (dare I say it) inspiring. If you're really into writing and plan on continuing it in the future, this is definitely a book you should read. If not, might I suggest Harry Potter?

"The Best Years of My Life" My Butt

I've heard that old people say that about high school years a lot, that they were the "best years of their lives," but now that I think about it, I've never actually heard anyone say that. Ever. Maybe once or twice in movies and maybe I read it a book a few years ago, but never in real life has anyone said to me, "You should be glad that you're in high school because I found high school to be AMAZING."

Never. Not once. For good reason.

High school sucks. There's teachers and grades and parents and friends and second-guessing and insecurities and a whole lot of "You should start thinking about your future." Everyone asks where do you want to go to college and what do you want to major in and what do you want to be when you grow up. Then everyone smiles and nods at your answer then turns to your mom and asks her about you when your back is turned. Then there's "Oh, you're just a kid" and "You're old enough to be responsible for yourself" and . . . I'm rambling here. But you get the point.

But I think I'm starting to get where "the best years of my life" saying comes from. Because no matter how terrible I might think high school was, I wouldn't trade my time spent here for anything.

Wow. Did not see that coming.

Because I never thought I would think that. Maybe fleetingly, once, when I was still a bright-eyed freshman, naive and hopeful, I looked at high school and thought, "I am going to love this."And even though I didn't, and even though I am not "glad" that I went through anything, I am never going to forget anything and I would never want to.

(Aw, cheese-fest. Seriously. As a writer, I am analyzing these feelings and literally cringing at how predictable they are. I need a plot twist . . . )

Before I started writing this post, I was in denial, really. A reflection requires you look back at who you used to be and compare that to who you are now and I hate that. I don't like acknowledging the fact that something is different, that I've changed. But I have. That eager little freshman is now an uneasy senior that is just trying to muster up the motivation to try when she's leaving soon.

 To be honest, I miss being that eager little freshman. This might not be the universal sentiment, but I loved being a freshman. Freshman year was my favorite year of high school. I was young enough that the future seemed too far to worry about, my grades were exactly where I wanted them to be, my friends were more amazing than I could have hoped for, and, to top it off, my sister was here. (She recently told me, without any arm twisting too, that her senior year was her favorite because I was there. Aw!) After I became a sophomore, though, it all just kind of went downhill. I won't go into details, because they're personal and private and I feel like I'm being a little too open here anyway, but let's just say sophomore year was not a good year. But it got better, eventually. I reached a nice plateau of contentment. It's great. There's chocolate.

That being said, my grades got even better. Like, geez. I can't stand to look at my sophomore grades, my junior grades are tolerable but still not exactly what I want, but my senior grades. Seriously, who went to school last semester because it certainly wasn't the person that went to school the last two years. I just kind of hope that person keeps going to school, with maybe a little more motivation and energy, next semester. Meanwhile, I'll be at home taking a nap.

Really though, I am just super excited (and anxious and nervous and worried) about college. I can't wait for acceptances and (surprisingly enough) rejections. I have no idea what to do until then. I would be counting the days if I had a 2014 calendar (which I don't because it's too expensive at the beginning of the year according to my mother.) Other than that, and summer (and, oh yeah, graduation), I honestly just can't wait to leave. Cal has been, uh, great, but I am just so ready for something new.

And new is definitely the goal. This confuses my mom, and me sometimes, but I really want to go to school out of state. I'm not really sure why. That being said, here's the list of colleges I applied to in order of choice:

Northwester University*
Western Washington University
UC Berkeley
UCLA
UC Santa Barbara

Abrupt subject change! SMART goals:

1) Finish book by the end of the year! I am honestly surprised with how far I got in my writing and I am super anxious to get it finished.
2) Meet with my off-campus mentor, Peggy Dulle, more. She's a wonderful resource and I feel like I haven't been taking advantage of that as much as I should have. So I will!
3) Let my mom read my recreational writing. I've let her read some articles I wrote for newspaper, but nothing that's just sitting on my computer. Never. So, before I graduate, she will have read something I wrote not for school.

Filling the Bucket Then Kicking it Over

That's totally not depressing. With that image in mind, meet (most of) my bucket list!

10: Publish a novel

Obvious, when you think about what my iQuest passion is but if I don't keep reminding myself what it is I'm working towards or that I could, one day, actually hold my writing in my hands, life gets a little less . . . fun.

9: Find triplets and make them wear these

I can confidently say that my life will not be complete until I see three babies wearing these at the same time.

8: Take a road trip across the country

I've never really had the urge to travel before, not like a "I NEED to go to this place" type of feeling. Like ever. But I've always wanted to drive down Route 66 and get lost in some place I've never been before. I blame the movie Cars.

7: Have a whole room dedicated to books

I want my own library. Remember that scene in The Beauty and the Beast where the Beast gives Belle a library? I want that. I don't necessarily want someone to give it to me (though if someone's willing I certainly won't turn them down) but that's what I want. I want wall to wall shelves covered with books and DVDs and I want a desk and a computer and a couch and a cushy chair in there so that I can sit there forever and just enjoy the company of books.

6: Take my sister out to dinner

A simple plan, I know, but there's more than just a meal to that. I promised my sister that if I ever became famous and made enough money I would take her out to one of those sushi boat places where you pay by the plate and then a Korean barbecue where you grill your own meet (which is surprisingly expensive). Not only do I want to be famous (who doesn't?) but my sister does a lot for me, even if she doesn't know it (nor does she need to).

5: Write a novel

I guess before I can finish #10 I should do this first . . .

4: Fall in love

What can I say? I'm a closet sap.

3: Have my grandma at my college graduation

My grandma's old right now and she'll be even older five years from now but one of the things she's been talking about nonstop ever since my sister was born, was being able to see her grandchildren have a great education. Plus, she'd probably be the most excited one of us to see me graduate.

2: Pay my mom back

She says it doesn't matter, that it's a mom's job to take care of her kids and not expect anything in return, but it's a Chinese thing to repay your parents when you're older for all that they've done for you. Let's be honest, I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine or anything and my future is iffy at best, but my mom's always been there for me and supported me no matter what. I don't really know how to repay her for all that she's done, but I'll sure as hell try.

1: PETS!!

Bet you were expecting something a bit more meaningful, weren't you? Well no way, Jose! I want pets! My grandma used to tell me we couldn't get a dog because she was allergic then when I was about ten years old I found out she just didn't want a dog so she lied to me (gasp!). As a result I want a cat, and a dog, and maybe another cat. And maybe another dog. I've thought a lot about this. My mom used to make fun of me because I used to say that my dream dog was a Husky with blue eyes named Dude (that hasn't really changed, actually).