I've heard that old people say that about high school years a lot, that they were the "best years of their lives," but now that I think about it, I've never actually heard anyone say that. Ever. Maybe once or twice in movies and maybe I read it a book a few years ago, but never in real life has anyone said to me, "You should be glad that you're in high school because I found high school to be AMAZING."
Never. Not once. For good reason.
High school sucks. There's teachers and grades and parents and friends and second-guessing and insecurities and a whole lot of "You should start thinking about your future." Everyone asks where do you want to go to college and what do you want to major in and what do you want to be when you grow up. Then everyone smiles and nods at your answer then turns to your mom and asks her about you when your back is turned. Then there's "Oh, you're just a kid" and "You're old enough to be responsible for yourself" and . . . I'm rambling here. But you get the point.
But I think I'm starting to get where "the best years of my life" saying comes from. Because no matter how terrible I might think high school was, I wouldn't trade my time spent here for anything.
Wow. Did not see that coming.
Because I never thought I would think that. Maybe fleetingly, once, when I was still a bright-eyed freshman, naive and hopeful, I looked at high school and thought, "I am going to love this."And even though I didn't, and even though I am not "glad" that I went through anything, I am never going to forget anything and I would never want to.
(Aw, cheese-fest. Seriously. As a writer, I am analyzing these feelings and literally cringing at how predictable they are. I need a plot twist . . . )
Before I started writing this post, I was in denial, really. A reflection requires you look back at who you used to be and compare that to who you are now and I hate that. I don't like acknowledging the fact that something is different, that I've changed. But I have. That eager little freshman is now an uneasy senior that is just trying to muster up the motivation to try when she's leaving soon.
To be honest, I miss being that eager little freshman. This might not be the universal sentiment, but I loved being a freshman. Freshman year was my favorite year of high school. I was young enough that the future seemed too far to worry about, my grades were exactly where I wanted them to be, my friends were more amazing than I could have hoped for, and, to top it off, my sister was here. (She recently told me, without any arm twisting too, that her senior year was her favorite because I was there. Aw!) After I became a sophomore, though, it all just kind of went downhill. I won't go into details, because they're personal and private and I feel like I'm being a little too open here anyway, but let's just say sophomore year was not a good year. But it got better, eventually. I reached a nice plateau of contentment. It's great. There's chocolate.
That being said, my grades got even better. Like, geez. I can't stand to look at my sophomore grades, my junior grades are tolerable but still not exactly what I want, but my senior grades. Seriously, who went to school last semester because it certainly wasn't the person that went to school the last two years. I just kind of hope that person keeps going to school, with maybe a little more motivation and energy, next semester. Meanwhile, I'll be at home taking a nap.
Really though, I am just super excited (and anxious and nervous and worried) about college. I can't wait for acceptances and (surprisingly enough) rejections. I have no idea what to do until then. I would be counting the days if I had a 2014 calendar (which I don't because it's too expensive at the beginning of the year according to my mother.) Other than that, and summer (and, oh yeah, graduation), I honestly just can't wait to leave. Cal has been, uh, great, but I am just so ready for something new.
And new is definitely the goal. This confuses my mom, and me sometimes, but I really want to go to school out of state. I'm not really sure why. That being said, here's the list of colleges I applied to in order of choice:
Northwester University*
Western Washington University
UC Berkeley
UCLA
UC Santa Barbara
Abrupt subject change! SMART goals:
1) Finish book by the end of the year! I am honestly surprised with how far I got in my writing and I am super anxious to get it finished.
2) Meet with my off-campus mentor, Peggy Dulle, more. She's a wonderful resource and I feel like I haven't been taking advantage of that as much as I should have. So I will!
3) Let my mom read my recreational writing. I've let her read some articles I wrote for newspaper, but nothing that's just sitting on my computer. Never. So, before I graduate, she will have read something I wrote not for school.
